In memory of a good friend who is also the wife of my Best friend.

" It is the will of God and Nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside, when the sole is to enter in to real life, 'Its rather an embryo state, a preparation for living, Men and women are not completely born until they be dead: Why then should we grieve that a new child is born among the Immortals? "Benjamin Franklin.

Krushna Madhupuri,  Bhubaneswar

We miss you Ranu Pishi

Uma Bhawan, Dussehra, 2012 -With Ranu Pishi & Pisa Babu

Mitra family-outside Mayfair Hotel, Bhubaneswar

Our affectionate sister

"Borda, Aami jaachi"...

Sabita between her two big brothers

"Brother, I will take leave now"-These were Ranu's last words before she left Uma Bhawan, her maiden home. She bid farewell saying those three words.

Ranu and I had a very close bond. She used to take care of me, frequently calling and checking on how I was doing. Although I was the elder brother, I used to constantly look up to her for her advice starting from health to nutrition to any medical consultation. In spite of her schedule, she never failed to stop by and check up on my failing health. Her advice was so invaluable to me.

The three Mitra brothers

I fondly remember that last evening. Ranu stopped by our house. She had brought pomegranate, my favorite fruit. She said, "Borda, I have got Bedanda for you". She affectionately cut it open and offered it to me. As I had it, little did I know that it was the last time I will be having the fruit from my sister's hands. The next morning I was told that she is no more. Only her memories will stay with me.

-Dr. Ashamukul Mitra

Mother, doctor, wife

MBBS Graduation

I came across an interesting article by J. A. Hammond on the NCBI website. The title is "Mother, doctor, wife". Hammond talks about how women physicians often play a triple role: mother, doctor, and wife and how these individuals need to strive so much harder if they wish to make each role fulfilling and wish to balance their career and personal life. I found the read a page-turner because it resonated so well.


Looking back at my mom's life, not only was she all that but so much more: a loving and caring daughter, daughter-in-law, sister and aunt. Moreover, she took on these roles voluntarily and happily. Why I decided to write about this today is because I have been down with fever and sore throat since the past few days. As I open my medicine box (so meticulously packed by my parents from my India trips). Each medicine is labeled with symptoms and dosage/prescription. I fondly remember when I fell ill, mummy would make delicious tomato and chicken soups with bread croutons. Her hand on my forehead was such a magical feeling! 


I remember my mom being one of the first people next to relatives' side when they were going through a medical ailment, during deliveries or even at some's death bed The only thing that saddens me is we were not

With Minister of Health, Algeria

not beside her when she breathed her last. Although friends and family ask us to take consolation in the fact that she had such a sudden and painless death. She was at her clinic even a few hours before, seeing patients. Later when one of those patients came for a follow-up checkup, he was shocked to hear about her demise. He had brought sweets to express his gratitude that he was already cured in his first visit. He said that mom was the number one ENT surgeon in foreign body extraction in the area. I felt happy for her:that she managed not only to get a grip back but also  excel in her profession in spite of making our betterment her topmost priority in life. I am so proud of you mom.

My parents met during the third year of med school (MBBS) in SCB Medical College, the premier institute of the state. Later they did their post graduation (MS) from PMCH (Patna Medical College and Hospital) in their respective specialities. My father went for PG first. My mom continued to work as a doctor during that  year and sponsored his education. The following year, she joined PG herself on a DGHS (Director General Health Services) scholarship funded by Goverment of India. Following their specialization, they went on a foreign assignment to Algeria. Mom joined as ENT specialist and father as an Orthopedic specialist. Although they both became very popular in the hospital there they  believed that they learned a lot professionally while working alongside world renowned surgeons who also happened to be posted around the same time. I have very nice memories from my childhood there. Our neighbors and family friends were extremely warm and hospitable people.

Papa and Mummy with their colleagues

After my parents returned to India in the late eighties, they joined Capital Hospital, Bhubaneswar. Around this time, although my mother was approved for the specialist position, she forwent that and instead went with the assistant surgeon position. She didn't accept the specialist opportunity for the next decade or so, until I was in college. She chose to take this professional setback so that she could focus on my education. I believe she did a phenomenal job in that she not only was instrumental in helping me settle into the new academic environment but went above and beyond to ensure I was exposed to academics, music, arts, you name it. I owe everything I have learnt to her.

After I got accepted into engineering, she brought her focus back to her career. My father also helped her pick up where she left, e.g. he constantly encouraged and inspired her to expand her experience with different procedures, surgeries, etc. They both retired as Head of Department in the ENT and Orthopedic Division of the state hospital. They took voluntary retirement so that they could focus full-time in the private practice they had been running since years by then. Following Mummy's death, Papa still keeps himself engaged in the same clinic, which they both passionately established and grew during their life time.

A beautiful message from a loving niece

From our niece, Lily (Sunita Mahanti). Posting on her behalf.

Dear Kunu
Life is made of moments: small pieces of silver amid long stretches of gravel. Be happy as that is what Sabita khudi would always have wanted for her adorable daughters. She was an inherently good soul who not only looked at all the good in the world but also gave it back because she believed in it passionately. She gave her values and intrinsic goodness as a legacy to both of you. It is for you to carry forward her values and spread love around. 

Sabita Khudi with Mummy and other relatives

Parents always try to live their dreams through their children. You have already proved your mettle. It is now for you to tap your spiritual quotient and spread love and happiness around. In spending time with senior citizens you have given yourself a chance to give back the good in the world Sabita khudi so cherished. Without the inner satisfaction that comes with giving, our accomplishments will be nothing more than the stuff in resumes. 
 
With the passing away of a wonderful soul, you have learnt something enduring about life: that it is glorious, and we should never take it for granted. Keep up the good work my child. We should count our blessings that our lives have been touched by Jeje and Sabita khudi.She will always hold a very special place in my heart and I loved her dearly. Draw solace and strength from the fact that you are living out her dreams and her angelic soul is looking down at you from the Heavens.
Love always my child
-Lily apa.

Mother's Day without mom

This is my first Mother's Day without my mother. I woke up with a heavy heart. I had kept my mom's picture in front of my bed so that when I opened my eyes my first glance rested on her smiling face. I miss wishing her, hearing her voice, feeling her hug. I miss sending Mother's Day flowers and gifts.

I picked up the phone and called India and wished all my aunts a happy Mother's Day. It gave me some comfort. I also felt Mummy will be glad I did that. She would always remind me to check on friends and relatives who were not doing well and never leave anyone out, especially during their hard times, no matter how challenging it may seem. She would say "sure, be ambitious, hard working and successful  but not at the cost of love, kindness and humility".

All the amazing ladies on my maternal side

Like one of my cousins, Sona didi, who lost her mom a decade ago said, "you will never get over mom's loss but you will learn to get through it until it becomes part of who you are". This morning when I opened my mail, she had sent me a very old picture of all the mothers in my (maternal) family and wished me a happy Mother's Day. She amazes me with her thoughtful gestures and I am grateful that I have cousins like her.

This picture reminded me of all these wonderful ladies in our family who filled my past with joy. I remember how they pampered, inspired and challenged me in their unique ways. I know it hurts now; I don't know what future will bring. Yet, I can tell with certitude that world is such a beautiful place because our mothers lived here once upon a time.

Remembering Sabita Khudi

It is still fresh in my mind when I was growing up in Puri and Sabita Khudi and Pipi Dada used to visit during the summer holidays. We used to have such glorious times - watching slide shows of their European visits, building the lego blocks that we got as presents, making trips to the beach, and enjoying ice cream or a cool drink. When I was growing up with Sujata during our elementary school days, Sabita Khudi was always there to care about every single detail. She was very affectionate and caring. Several years later, when I was in IIT, I decided to show up in Orissa with a few friends one day without any preamble.  I do not remember if it was to take the TOEFL exam or for a casual visit. I do remember that when we arrived in Bhubaneshwar, it was close to midnight and I gave a call to Pipi Dada, somehow managing to get his contact number from the Station Master's office. Pipi Dada came over to pick us up within 20-30 minutes. I thought it was very touching. Once we arrived, Sabita Khudi went to great lengths to prepare a good meal for all of us and made sure that we had everything we needed to feel comfortable, despite having had such a hectic schedule at the clinic.

This was typical of Sabita Khudi, she used to be so caring and attentive to every detail and cared about our comfort and well being above everything else. During our India trips, she was always at the airport with Pipi Dada to receive us and make us feel comfortable. When Rita went to India for the first time with me, she made her feel comfortable right away in the new environment.

Sabita Khudi, you will truly be missed.

Here are a few pictures taken during Pipi Dada and Sabita Khudi's visit to our place in 2009.

I

Memoir for Mummy

To my beloved mother, my guide, my inspiration

My Heart weeps for you every moment as I miss your presence to the core of my being.Thoughts fly

across my mind: thoughts of your gentle voice talking to me, advising me and encouraging me.

When I look back to my childhood I realise that for every child their mother represents a safe haven-a place of security where nothing can go wrong, a place  where every problem dissolves into nothingness simply because of her presence. 

Mummy during her house surgeonship

But it is only as an adult that I saw all facets of your personality, your enormous compassion, sacrifice and deep insight into people’s deepest emotions. With you around I never had to grow up, you shielded me from every harsh reality and there will always be a yawning gap that perhaps will never heal. But as they say, time is the biggest healer and that one day I will be able to look back and only rejoice in the wonderful memories that I shared with you, your pride in my achievements no matter how small.

In my heart I know I will always feel your presence, your guiding hand gently prodding me in the right direction. I know you will live through me in every kindness, compassion and generosity that I show others. I hope and pray to god that you soul finds eternal peace.

Irreparable loss of my beloved wife

Ghardia, Algeria

On 11th July, 1971 , I got married to my wife of nearly 41 years who was my inspiration in life. She has been a true pillar of strength to me. She has given me two wonderful daughters that I continue to be proud of.

She is probably one of the primary  reasons I was able to complete my post graduation. I was initially reluctant to go on a foreign assignment to Algiers, but it was she, along with my father, who advised me  that such an opportunity would open many doors for me. 

 She understood my emotions and respected my decisions, even if sometimes they were at the cost of financial loss. One such example would be when I received a letter from my father who resided in Puri that he was missing our presence in India. I spoke to my wife and explained that if I did not go back to India I would feel that my career and financial success took precedence over my parents' wishes. And Sabita immediately agreed.

We both have tried to build our individual careers to the best of our capacity but when it came to our children’s future everything else took second precedence. For instance, she forwent her specialist position for 12 years so that she could focus her attention on our  younger daughter's  education.

She is the one who supported me in my career decisions, so much so that sometimes we did not catch up on regular medical check ups. This is something that I will regret all my life. I always knew that she was the center of our household, the solid thread that held both sides of our family: her maternal side as well as her in-laws, but it was at her death that I realized what an enormous number of people loved and respected her, whose lives she had touched in her many generous ways.

SCB Medical Class Reunion, March 6th, 2013

People believe that she had a wonderful and blissful life,  and because  she was a pious
soul she had an even more peaceful death. I will miss her enormously at so many different levels. She has left our family bereft with grief but I take consolation in the fact that she had a painless death and I pray to God that her journey to heaven is joyful. May her soul rest in peace.

Pre-Mother's Day Celebration

From one of the emails sent out, I came across a link that took me to MathWorks' Social Mission's volunteer challenge page. On the page, I came across several volunteering opportunities  I  signed up to volunteer at the pre-Mother's Day celebration at the Natick Senior Center on May 10th.

This day holds special importance because it marks the second month of my mother's death. She passed away on March 10th, 2013. On April 10th, I was still in India. I went to the nearby Banadurga temple which my mom frequented and donated money to homeless who were sitting in front of the entrance. I remember she used to offer them prasad after offering her usual prayers at the temple.

Today, I helped with the set-up, checking people in, assisting during the breakfast and finally cleaning up after the breakfast was over. It was a very fulfilling experience for me. Senior citizens hold a special place in my heart. I was close to my grandparents and loved them very much. And today most of the guests were women who were there to celebrate motherhood.

Natick Senior Center, May 10th, 2013

I started out with helping people sign in by checking off their names on the sign-in sheet. Later, I helped out in the banquet hall. Every individual I served coffee or breakfast or helped with anything, every time someone smiled with gratitude, every time I got an opportunity to make the guest feel special, it was a wonderful heartwarming feeling. It felt like I was loving my mother back through them.After everything wrapped up, the management came and thanked the volunteers for their time. In my mind, I was thanking them for giving me an opportunity to be a part of it all.

Memoriam

With Ma at Luray Caverns, Virginia

In the land of my Life
            You are the magnificent Queen

I've always found you at my side

             In whatever I've done & wherever I've been

When dark clouds engulf my world

       When everybody turns away, kith and kin

I still hold tight and keep  going on

      For I have no fear amidst your resplendent sheen

You are my heart, you are my soul

          You're the one I love with all my being

A smile so sweet, a heart so big

          A soul as kind and pure is seldom seen

You've left behind a legacy of humble success

         And soft strength: a glory and energy pristine

Your unfailing love and selfless devotion

          Has made me who I am and what I've been.

After touching so many lives, I see your ship sail away

        My soul cries out and my heart won't stop grieving

Yet the eternal Love will live on. For you, my dearest mother

        Are God's choicest gift to me and my Life's biggest Blessing!      

                                                                                                             
                                                                                                                  Adieu Mummy.

                                                                                                                  Always and forever

                                                                                                                  Your Kunu

Fondest memories...

Mummy and I at home (Algeria)

After almost a three-month hiatus, I decided to go to the Toastmasters meeting at work today. The theme was Mothers in keeping with the spirit of Mother’s Day, which is coming up on Sunday. The meeting went on as usual but what caught my attention was the Tabletopics session. The first topic was "talk about your fondest memory of your mom'. There were quite a few volunteers and before the Tabletopics master could move on to his next topic, the time was over. I also wanted to speak about my mom. But before I realized, the session was over. The problem was: I couldn't come up with "the fondest" memory, because there were too many of them. So I figured I could start a blog and pen down my thoughts- my reminisces of my mother, a lady who brought nothing but sheer joy in my world, who in fact meant the world to me!